


Lights

by FumeKnightofShovelry



Series: Gency One-Shots [2]
Category: Overwatch (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Hanukkah, Jewish Angela "Mercy" Ziegler, Jewish Character, Jewish Diaspora, Jewish Holidays, Judaism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-23
Updated: 2018-12-23
Packaged: 2019-09-25 07:39:40
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17117219
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FumeKnightofShovelry/pseuds/FumeKnightofShovelry
Summary: Angela has doubts about her heritage and beliefs. A Hanukkah with Genji helps her address some of them.





	Lights

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't related to Gency week, but I've wanted to do something like this for a while. A lot of my own concerns and experiences with my Judaism informed the dialogue.

Angela Ziegler took another look out the window, watching the snowfall flutter and dampen on the glass. Early December could be a tumultuous time in Switzerland when it came to cold weather patterns, but thankfully her residence was as warm and cosy as could be. To heat up her home, Angela eschewed dirty and dangerous fireplaces in lieu of well-caulked windows, hermetically-sealed doorways and judicious use of solar-powered heating systems. She was nothing if not conscious of her carbon footprint, and made use of heavy clothing even when indoors to minimize energy usage. A fluffy woolen sweater crisscrossed with blue and white kept her arms and chest warm, thick, cotton-lined pants trapped the heat in her legs and waist and she’d even deigned to wrap a yellow scarf around her neck.

Her living space was as comfortable as she could make it. The box was heavy in her pants pocket. It was time to begin.

“Genji? _Mein lieber_? It’s time.” She called out without turning from the view outside. Her face reflected onto the glass, pale and transparent, a ghost looking back at her. She reached a hand out towards the phantom imitation, and watched the see-through Angela meet her fingers on the glass.

The room suddenly seemed a lot less warm and welcoming.

“I’m here, Angela.” Genji Shimada loomed up behind her in the glass, similarly pellucid in the frost-touched panes, though the gleam of his visor left a distinct emerald line crossing the white of the snow in front of them. He too was wearing a woolen sweater, thick pants, and a scarf, though his were in shades of green, brown, and black. He placed a hand on her shoulder and squeezed it comfortingly, removing his mask with his other hand. “Are you well? You’re shivering. Would you like some more cocoa? Perhaps another sweater?"

Angela smiled at Genji and turned to snuggle against his shoulder. “Just a cold spell. I’m ready if you are.”

“Of course. Lead the way.”

She pecked him on the cheek and stepped away, towards the coffee table she’d set up in the living room, in front of the couch. A nine-branched candelabrum sat in the middle of the flat wooden surface, empty of any actual candles, with a matchbox set underneath one of the branches. Removing the container from her pants pocket, she slit it open with a finger and pulled out a single blue candle, slotting it into the rightmost socket of the _menorah_. Grasping a second candle, this one white, she closed the box and passed it to Genji.

“Next, the _shamash_. Very important. Hold the box please, Genji.”

Genji stood to her side and took it with a nod, silently supportive. Angela had been more than a little nervous about tonight, but he had reassured her that he would help her however he could. Angela slotted the _shamash_ into the center branch, then snatched up the matches, stepped away from the table and couch, and struck one against the side of the box, watching the flame flare up and burn with a tiny, determined glow. The heat was already starting to irritate her fingers, but she persisted and lit the central candle, quickly dunking the flame in a shallow bowl of water she’d prepared beforehand once it was clear that the candle would stay lit. Removing the candle from the socket, she began her prayer as she lit the one candle in the _menorah_ , her voice a soft chant that rose in confidence as she progressed.

_“Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, asher kid’shanu b’mitzvotav v’tsivanu l’hadlik ner shel Hanukkah.”_

She’d long been finished lighting the only candle by the time she was done singing, but she’d kept the _shamash_ in her hand until she was done with her first verse, even when a drop of burning wax began to roll down the melting cylinder.

“ _Baruch atah Adonai, Eloheinu Melech ha’olam, she-asah nisim la’avoteinu bayamim hahem bazman hazeh._ ”

Genji closed his eyes and let the sound of Angela’s voice roll over him, flowing with the smell of burning candles and the light heat fluttering against his face. She was a good singer, even for short demonstrations such as this. He was glad her stressful career, which often required frequent yelling during life-saving procedures, hadn’t damaged her voice.

_“Baruch atah Adonai, Elohenu Melech ha’olam, shehecheyanu, v’kiyimanu, v’higiyanu la’zman hazeh.”_

Angela reached out and enclosed her right hand around Genji’s, and he opened his eyes to smile reassuringly at her and return the gesture with a squeeze. “How do you feel?”

His girlfriend sighed and looked between him, the candles, and the empty branches of the _menorah_. “Better. Thank you, Genji. I should have known that I had no cause to be nervous.”

“You don't need to apologize for worrying, Angela. Do you want to talk about it?”

“Of course. Join me?” She patted a couch cushion with her free hand and the two sat down, facing the two flames of the _menorah_. Genji put up his right foot onto his left knee, resting the crook of his left elbow on the back of Angela’s neck. “Truth be told, Genji, this was...well, perhaps the first full prayer set that I can remember doing. And in front of someone else, too.”

“What do you mean?” Genji twirled a curl of Angela’s hair in his finger, bringing her to rest her head against his shoulder.

“Well, Genji, I...my family died when I was very young. I assume that they performed the full prayers when I was in my infancy, but after I was orphaned, I wasn’t able to carry on the tradition.” Angela had long since come to terms with the death of her parents and spoke of the event without faltering in her speech, but Genji knew from experience that that sort of pain never truly left you. “You know, I never had a _bat mitzvah_. It’s not unheard of. I simply...did not have the stability or the environment to go through that ceremony. And then when I did achieve both, time became the missing factor.”

She nuzzled deeper into his shoulder, sliding a bit into Genji’s armpit, and wrapped her arms around herself. Genji released her hair to bring his arm to a standstill against her shoulder, hugging her close. “I understand. There’s always more that we wish we could have done, regrets that never truly ease even if there are people to be forgiven.” He clenched his jaw. He hadn’t meant to insert his own experience into this: this was Angela’s moment of clarity, of development.

Angela seemed to sense his anxiety, probably because her head was directly underneath his jaw. A peck on her boyfriend’s chest brought his attention back to her. “It’s all right, Genji. This is good for both of us.” He couldn’t see her eyes from here, but he could tell that Angela was looking up at him as best she could from her snuggling position. “But yes, I do regret that. I kept up the prayers, certainly: I attended temple, and celebrated Passover and Rosh Hashanah, and fasted for Yom Kippur. I wasn’t going to leave that part of me, that part of _them_ behind.” She trailed off, bringing her knees closer to her and stretching her jacket over them, wrapping herself in a double layer of warmth to maximize the heat retention of her legs. Genji being near her certainly helped.

“But I cannot deny it. I was not, _am_ _not_ , a fully practicing Jew, Genji. I cannot speak or read Hebrew beyond what few prayers I have committed to memory. I do not eat according to the rules of _Kashrut_. And I did not undergo a _bat mitzvah_.” Angela watched the flames eat away at the wax tops of the candles, the wicks burning strong despite their isolation and the comparatively cold air of the room. She should probably invest in more heating. “I participate in the important celebrations. I am ethnically Jewish. But tonight was the first night that I recited anything more than the first prayer on _Hanukkah_.”

Another pause. Genji waited, and when it didn’t seem like she would continue, he spoke up. “I’m here. It’s okay, Angela.”

“I don’t feel the need to compare myself against others who practice this faith, Genji. But I cannot help but sense, faintly, as if I am not a good Jew. I know that’s a ridiculous statement: there is no ‘council of Judaism’ traveling the world and assigning every Jew a grade on some point system. But I still am unable to divest myself from that statement.” She released her grip on her own body to wrap her arms around Genji. “Have you ever felt similarly?”

Genji was silent for a long moment, tracing the line of her elbow on his stomach with his right hand, resting his chin in her hair. “I don’t have the same experience with religion, no. My active practice of Shinto has slipped during my more difficult times, but it was entrenched enough in my youth that I forgave myself for the years that I was inconsistent. I am not, of course, suggesting that I believe that you have anything that you need to forgive yourself for, but the truth is more complicated.” He hurriedly added, pre-empting an interjection that Angela was about to voice. “I have returned to the diligent practice of its rituals. Zenyatta’s monastery is very open-minded when it comes to tolerating a variety of beliefs. But I suspect that is not what you are asking about, Angela.”

She didn’t respond. Genji planted a kiss on the top of her head and continued. “I do not enjoy the person I once was, Angela. Not just the violence that you saw during my time with Blackwatch. Before that, even, I was an intemperate youth. I loved my family and kept up my studies and strengths, but I my hedonism interfered with the development of my character. And after Hanzo and I went our...separate ways, the rage nearly choked me.” His wrist tensed, but he didn’t tighten his grip on Angela’s arms or body. “I will not repeat what I thought I would do to my brother when we next met. Nor will I force you to hear in detail the despair that I foresaw would overtake me afterwards, or even before, and the actions that would result. I was hopeless, but I took that anguish out against others. Some who deserved it, and many more who did not.”

He was on a roll now, and Angela didn’t dare interrupt. She had an idea where this might be going, but she knew that it would help Genji to talk it out himself. So she stayed quiet and looked up to kiss Genji on the chin, a reminder that she was here for him, whatever he needed.

“My pain...I couldn’t decide what hurt more. The violence and betrayal inflicted upon me by my brother, the half-life I found myself in with my new body, the seemingly never-ending list of troubles and grievances that were arrayed against me. I could have ended up in a very dark place, Angela, darker that I would dare dream of. And then, I forgave myself.”

“It wasn’t that simple, Genji.”

“No, it wasn’t. I wouldn’t have done it at all, if not for Zenyatta’s guidance. He showed me how to find value in my current life, and helped me decide on my own to let go and forgive.”

“Yourself, Hanzo, or both?” Angela murmured, drumming her fingers on her arms in a slow beat.

“Both. Zenyatta gave me the tools, the foundation, but left it up to me to decide how to accept and move on. And I think the same is true of your situation here, Angela.”

“How so?”

“You are the only one convincing yourself that you have something that you need forgiven. Therefore, you’re the only one who can grant that forgiveness.” Genji pulled her closer, taking a long, warm sniff of her golden-white hair. The scents of her day, trapped in her locks, came to him in waves: the sharp cinnamon shampoo, the light sourness of sweat on her scalp, and the slightly acrid smell of latex gloves and hospital hallways. All elements of _her_ , the woman he loved, forming together to give him a nonvisual picture of who she was. A doctor, a caretaker, a significant other. “Angela, the regret you’re talking about...holding onto it won’t grant you absolution. Instead, it will imprison you, keep you from growing beyond its limits, trap you in cycles of negativity. You’ve already done so well at escaping its boundaries the way you have. All you have left to do is let yourself know that it has no hold over you, and release your guilt.”

She didn’t respond, didn’t even react. Genji was worried that he’d pushed her a bit too far for one conversation, when Angela turned up to him again and brushed her lips against his, breathing into his mouth before pulling him into a kiss. Tears dotted the corners of her eyes, but she smiled around the kiss and moved her hand to the back of his head to deepen it.

“Thnk ye, Genji.” Angela tried to speak around his lips, but even with her muffled words he made out her meaning. Taking one more long, slow breath through his nostrils as they kissed, Genji separated from her and nuzzled his forehead against hers, cradling her cheeks in his hands.

“My pleasure, Angela.” She giggled into the bridge of his nose and poked him in the chest, falling backwards onto the couch. The flickering candles made shadows dance across the two of them as Angela felt her boyfriend drape himself across her and take her lips in his own a second time. There would be more times to worry, more times for self-doubt. But right now, they didn’t have to worry about any of that.

Tonight, it could just be the two of them, helping each other together.

**Author's Note:**

> I've imagined Angela as Jewish for a long time, due to her last name, Ziegler, and the fact that Lucie Pohl herself is Jewish. I know that the voice actors aren't the characters (thank goodness), but that still affected how easily I was able to come up with that interpretation.
> 
> I have more dialogue and scenes that take place immediately after this, but I wasn't comfortable posting it in the same chapter as this for reasons that should be obvious. I'll post the second chapter to my other account and link it back here.
> 
> Thanks again. Happy Holidays and Happy New Year! May 2019 provide us with even more amazing Gency content.


End file.
